The foodie and television world was shocked and stunned exactly one month ago by the news that Anthony Bourdain had taken his own life by hanging. As the news filtered through, disbelief spread through the legions of his fans. Not Tony - fearless, brash, combative Tony? There must be some mistake!
Well there wasn't. It was indeed suicide. There was no suicide note, indicating it was a spontaneous act. There were no narcotic drugs in his system, although plenty of alcohol, but that wasn't unusual for him. He was working on an episode of Parts Unknown, set in Strasbourg, when he suddenly decided to check out.
I sat down and re-read his autobiographical book Kitchen Confidential and then the follow-up book Medium Raw. I realized that he was a much better writer than anything else. A self avowed fan of Hunter S. Thompson, his style aimed at a kind of gonzo journalism for kitchen workers. He was fearless (or so we thought), and without pity for those he despised, and especially for himself.
I reviewed his early work on "A Cook's Tour", in which his unfamiliarity with presenting (or perhaps the demands of the Food Network) showed through in his uncharacteristic winsome smiling for the camera. In later work, over which he had more control, his sardonic gonzoness came through. He didn't do winsome very well. He was more attractive when snarly and world-weary. I imagine the election of Trump and what has happened to America since then may have made him even more so. I first encountered him midway through No Reservations, when I stumbled across his second trip to Lisbon, and was immediately hooked.
By the time he got to "Parts Unknown" which he wrote himself and filmed with his own hand-picked production crew at Zero Point Zero Productions, he had got the gonzo travelogue down to a fine art. It was barely about the food any more. A whole load more social commentary. A smattering of dark humour. And a kicking rock 'n' roll soundtrack. And the camerawork and editing was superb It was like a smouldering Clive James meets Simon Reeve filmed by Michael Slovis. Only better. And highly addictive.
Suicide is an incredibly selfish act - especially if you have children, parents, partners and other people who love you - but it's also something that can happen in a moment of madness. Impulsiveness can be an attractive trait. It can also be deadly.
Fans were reluctant to believe it was simply a moment of madness. But he had been so happy this last year! He had an 11-year old daughter he adored! He was so in love with Asia Argento! Parts Unknown was in its 13th series and had scooped up the awards last year! He was now best friends with the chef whose shoes he famously did not deem himself fit to clean when he started off! He had been clean of drugs for over 20 years! There must have been something else.
Asia Argento had been papped in Rome snogging a younger man. They had famously declared they had an 'open relationship'. I don't think he would have topped himself over the betrayal. It may however have brought home to him that there would always be someone younger. He hated the idea of getting old. So, not that fearless then.
Personally, I reckon he was working too hard and was exhausted; why didn't he just take a holiday, you may ask? Well ... fearless Tony was afraid of showing weakness. His gonzo swagger betrayed all the signs of deep insecurity and shaky self-esteem. It was probably getting better, with the success of Parts Unknown, but those little demons of doubt will creep up on you at the most opportune moments. Nothing like success to remind you it can all come tumbling down in the blink of an eye. Maybe they already had visited him before and someone had been there to hold his hand until daylight. He didn't need an open relationship with a much younger woman. He needed a mum.
Thank you Tony for all the journeys, the meals, the laughs, and occasionally tears. In the intro to No Reservations you said: "I eat. I write. I travel. And I'm hungry for more." You left us hungry for more.
